hurt
by heart-break-witness
Summary: Sams hurt Dean one to many times, can Cas make it better?1 first fan fic, please read and review


ok this is not only my first published story but the first fan fic i have ever written so please reveiw, let me know what you liked, what you didn't and how i can make it better! all feed back is welcome hope you like it!

Hurt

You're hurting. I can tell Dean, don't try and hide it from me, I am an angel. I know you to well for that. We all know you to well for that, Sam is worried, Bobby is worried hell even is concerned about you. Your family is worried kid, you're not ok.

I know what Sam did was awful, I know you never deserved that, I know your heart beats for the father you never really had. I wasn't blessed with your presence until your childhood was so brutally ripped away from you. Your father created a fighter, not a man. I have been watching you struggle for months now, your torn. Torn between family loyalty and the normality that you truly seek. You're sick of the lies, tired of the pain. I can see that fake smile that you have painted upon your face. Half the time I see it, your hiding away the insecurity, the self-loathing. You hide behind the smart arse comments, you fight so hard to pretend that you're so strong when you can't even sleep at night. Dean says something in that nerd language of his and we all look to you expectantly, waiting for you to make some childish joke, to call him a name, something to let us know that it is still you underneath all that pain.

You don't say anything. There is no emotion on your face besides that fake mask of a smile, your eyes are closed over. You are hurting so bad right now and I don't know if all the love in the world will be enough to fix you after all that damage.

Hours later your sitting alone in yet another run-down and lonely hotel, Sam walks out, as he sees me his eyes widen, "Take care of him Cas. Please." His eyes are full of pain, he knows he has played a part in destroying you.  
"I will" I assure him, because I will. I walk in, you look at me only to turn your gaze back to the ground. You know that we are about to have a 'chick moment', and there's no point arguing about it, what concerns me the most however, is that you are to broken to care. Like you could get killed by the ghost of your father tomorrow, or save the world and they will matter as much as if you drink coffee tomorrow or not.

"Dean, what's wrong?" I ask, you look at me, a smile begins to appear on your face, confussing the hell out of me.  
"Cas, man we talked about this, personal space, remember" the smile begins to fade, but that attempt at humour lets me know that you're still their somewhere, that your still fighting, that you know I will save you. I smile, letting you run with the mask for a bit, you need to prepare yourself before you bare you heart to me, you're scared that I will turn away, but I promise you I won't. God if only you knew how much I loved you, how much I wish I could take the pain away.

"what's wrong?" I press, your blank eyes turn to meet mine, they are so tortured, so broken.

"I can't do this" you whisper, so softly I almost miss it. I shift closer to you, your agonized gaze turns away.  
"He lied to me Cas, he's my brother and he lied to me, he chose a demon over me, I looked after him for years, I gave up everything for him, that was my one job, look after Sam, look after Sam, and I couldn't do that, he still ran off with a demon, I mean, come on we started the apocalypse! How fucking messed up is that. Dad would be gone for days, weeks, hell months at a time, Sam and I stuck together through all that, how could he seriously think that I would turn away from him, how could he think that. He didn't trust me enough to come to me for help, he didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth, time and time again he lied to me, he use me, then he kept running from the truth, how am I supposed to trust him now? This anger, this pain, it's like a poison attacking my body. You don't know it's there until it's too late, until it is already destroying you from the inside out. But it is not something that just happened. It was not an event or a specific moment that it happened, I just became infected. And the poison of jealousy and hate spread through my veins. All of a sudden every mistake I made suddenly seems 1000 times worst. I couldn't tell you what made me feel this way. I couldn't tell you why I felt this way all I could tell you was that I did. But how can I expect you to understand it when I don't. The poison seeps through my veins it pumps through my heart. Am I really that bad a brother that he can't come to me, am I really that pathetic that my little brother walks away. I am such a colossal screw up"

You just can't see it can you.

"it wasn't him that screwed up Dean." Now I'm praying to God and the rest of the angels that you hear what I am saying right now, because I am hoping it saves you, that it helps you salvage what is left of your life.

"it wasn't you that messed up, he threw you away, your father chose revenge over you, your brother couldn't deal with that, but your brother does love you, you have to believe me Dean, you have to trust me, because no matter how many times your heart shatters I will always be here to help you pick up the pieces. No matter how many times he hurts you I will be here for you, but you need to let him know that you are there for him, because you need him and he needs you. I need you." You look at me your eyes wide, trying to read between the lines of what I have just said, but you won't let yourself believe that anyone could love you. A tear slides down your check, and though it hurts me to see you cry I now you need to let it out before you can heal, I reach over and wipe away a tear, but for some reason it only serves to make you cry harder. You completely break down, but that's ok because I will be here for you through the night, I'll hold you, your sobs are heartbreaking for me to hear because I can't take the pain away, I just hold you as you bury your face into my shoulder.  
"shhhh, shhhh," I whisper, more to comfort you then to quiet you down. "shhhh, it's alright, I've got Ya, I love you, I promise you, I love you." I feel your hands clutch my shirt like your life depends on it, your breathes are shuddering and shallow, and I'm just watching you suffer, after a few minutes, you lift your head, your eyes meet mine, there's something new in them, a fire, and your drawing closer to me. I'm drawing closer to you, and finally our lips meet, neither one of us pulls away. First it is slowly, savouring the moment, then passion takes over. Our bodies move as one, from hells heart, we embrace each other like it really is the last night on earth. Suddenly I find myself pinned underneath you, I can feel the heat radiating off your body, you kiss me passionately and I can taste the pie you ate for lunch. Clothes are being torn off without a second thought. Our chests are pressed together. A sigh is heard as finally we are skin to skin and suddenly that's not enough. We want more; we need more…our mouths meet again dancing around, you slowly kiss down my neck, making me shiver, I rub my hand over your muscled stomach, you groan and lean into the touch. Your so close but my body aches for more…. You kiss me again the kiss itself was powerful, passionate, and filled with desire.

You pull back as your lungs are on fire. We slow down as the force of what we are doing hits us. Sam is due back any moment, you stand up, smirking sheepishly, but you don't try to cover up and I can see the sweat running down the abbs that build your stomach.

"Shower." You mutter, and you walk off, but the smile on your face lets me know that this isn't over, you just want to take it slow and I can understand that! You want to go all the way when you know I will be with you forever, you don't want to do this simply because you are upset. I get dressed as I wait for you, Sam walks in looking for you, I tell him you're in the shower, he asks me if you're going to be ok. I tell him you will be, because I will be right with you, watching over you, loving you for eternity. You might not be ok right now but you will be.


End file.
